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While I haven't been in your sort of situation, I sympathize with the quandary and the feelings. From the time I was a child I'd always wanted to marry and have children (I wanted 4 too, or more), but as the years and relationships trickled by, I began to wonder if I'd ever get the chance. I finally found a good, lovable man, married him and am currently carrying his child. If all goes well our child wil be born a month before my 30th birthday. All of this is cause for rejoicing, but clearly life has not gone the way I'd planned when I was younger! (I thought I'd have my first by age 25.) Shortly before I met my husband, I broke up with my then-boyfriend because we didn't share enough of the same moral values. It was clearly the right thing to do, but I won't say I wasn't a little panicked. ("What if no one ever loves me again? What if it takes me years to find someone to love? Have I cast off my last chance of getting married and having children??") So, I sympathize with wanting children, not seeing any imminent chances of getting them, and thinking dark thoughts about the future. (I really should have my own blog but I'm too chicken, and besides, my husband would make fun of me!) Keep on keeping on!


Congratulations Sarah! How exciting that your baby will soon be here!

And thank you for your comment - I don't have any friends who feel the way I do yet, so it's good to hear someone who has thought all the same things as me.

PS - I'm keeping my blog a secret from my boyfriend! He'd definitely laugh!

Salome Ellen

Hi Jenny, this is Arwen/Elizabeth's mom. I just thought you should know that I married when I was 30, had A/E at 31, and her other five siblings ending at a month before I turned 42. They may have been old eggs, but they made great kids!


Not such very old eggs!

I know I shouldn't be so melodramatic. I'm just a natural worrier, I suppose.


Hi Jenny! Followed you from Arwen/Elizabeth too! I also had my first at 31, my second a month before I turned 34. I was always the youngest in the waiting room at my OB/GYN's!! Many of my friends are having perfectly healthy children in their late 30s. The back of my hand to those worry-inducing articles!

B. Mare

I recently saw an article along those lines, and was thinking of posting a similar rant about the myth that it's the WOMEN who are leaving it too late. But you've said it so well. Also, I think it's quite educational to read infertility blogs, since forewarned is forarmed and all that- just don't let it freak you out too much at this point or you will run screaming!

Susan / holdingpattern

Hey there, you are so right about this one. These types of articles are a major pet peeve of mine. EVERY women I know who ended up delaying child bearing did so primarily because she had not found Mr. Right yet, or Mr. Right wanted to wait, and wait and wait. Sure, their careers might have blossomed in the meantime, but that is not why they waited.

I'm going to take the contrary position here from all your other commenters and tell you that you are right to be worried about declining fertility in your late 20s and early 30s. At age 28, I had abdominal pain for a few months, and the ultrasounds would turn up all these follicles, produced by my body the natural way. Well, 4 years later at the relatively young age of 32, they pumped me full of fertility drugs and could only get one lousy follicle per cycle. Meaning my ovaries are rotting about 10 years ahead of schedule. Those 4 years we waited (didn't seem unreasonable at the time) could have been the difference between baby and no baby. I think about that every day.

As you can tell, I am a super embittered infertile woman having a very bad day. You should probably pay no attention to me because I am such a freak of nature that there is virtually no chance that my experience applies to you. I apologize for that.



Thank you for commenting - I always pay attention to you! I know you are having some very bad days right now, and it fills me with a mixture of helpless rage and sadness, so I can't even guess how you are feeling. It sounds stupid but you can't know how much I look forward to the day I open your blog and see the news we hope for.

And thank you for what you said - as you know, sometimes you don't want to be 'bucked up', even though you know you should. Sometimes, you're just sad.

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