Tears Of An Idiot

This is a good article - I read it because I thought it promised an amusing discussion about crying (something I do often enough to count it among my hobbies), but then I found myself won over by the writer's argument. Which, if you can't be bothered to read the whole thing, runs thusly: When men at work are cross, or wounded, or desperate, they shout and scream. Now, this may not be ideal behaviour, but such shows of aggression are almost encouraged in some areas of business. Whereas women, typically, cry. And this is NOT acceptable in the world of work. All your credibility is gone. We all know the feeling - you're having a heated discussion, from nowhere you can feel the tears coming, and ...you know you've lost the argument.

To double the unfairness, if a man cries, they get applauded. Politicians show this most clearly - the author cited both Clinton and Bush (and I've seen Blair do it too) as masters of the well-timed well-up.

To quote: The woman who cries is pitied for being weak, the man who loses his temper is often admired for making those around him seem weak, and himself the more passionate and committed to his job. Yet if crying is seen as silly and childish, isn’t a temper tantrum, if anything, more so?

Hee! I like that. Mind you, I throw temper tantrums and crying fits pretty regularly, so clearly I am a horrific male-female hybrid. combining the least acceptable traits of both sexes.

I was a public crier - nay, renowned cry-baby - for years. At primary school, I would burst into tears over EVERYTHING - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy: something bad would happen, I knew everyone would expect me to cry, and that would frustrate me so much I'd start crying. I hated it - it was so humiliating. So when I went to secondary school I determined I would NEVER cry there. And I didn't (well, only once, when someone told me they'd heard my dad was gay. Which - what a stupid thing to cry about), for the whole seven years. That's one of the first things I can ever remember putting my mind to, and achieving. Hmm, might be the last too, come to think of it.

However, I continued, and continue, to cry a lot - just not in front of lots of people. During my teen years, my parents got the brunt of it (my Dad and I can go both from 0-60 in seconds flat - from mild irritation to screaming insanity in the blink of an eye. My father is the only grown man I've seen actually jump up and down in rage), now it's my boyfriend. These tears are always hot and painful - because they nearly always come out of angry frustration. That's to say they're the rainstorm that follows the thunder and lightening of a mega-strop (English word for a temper tantrum. See also: wobbly). Sometimes, they are heartbroken (read: melodramatic) sobs of distress (read: neurosis) when I feel my boyfriend is being impossible. However, on reflection, these are nearly always occasions on which I have worked myself up into such a frenzy that there is no way down than to blub for ten minutes.

I do not enjoy these tears, although I daresay they are therapeutic.However, they are very different from my OTHER tears. At a certain time each month, I am almost constantly lachrymose. EVERYTHING makes me cry. An old man walking slowly down the street? Perhaps he's a war veteran, now widowed, who children are too busy to visit, but he still puts a shirt and tie before he shuffles out to the shops, and dusts the picture frame holding his wedding photo....waaah! See an ad for pet insurance? Oh, look at the dog's big sad eyes, and oh! look how sad his owner is, and oh! the doggie's leg is in a cast, and ah! the cast is off and the dog is racing through the fields again...waaah!* Needless, to say, adoption and infertility blogs, can spell almost total devastation on a regular basis.

So, well, I've lost my point a bit here. My original premises that (a) I thought it was a good article, and (b) I cry quite a lot aren't leading to an interesting conclusion, or indeed any conclusion...so I will ask you a question: would you consider yourself a 'crier'? How often do you well-up? Have you ever cried at work?

* I do not even like dogs.

This is a good article - I read it because I thought it promised an amusing discussion about crying (something I do often enough to count it among my hobbies), but then I found myself won over by the writer's argument. Which, if you can't be bothered to read the whole thing, runs thusly: When men at work are cross, or wounded, or desperate, they shout and scream. Now, this may not be ideal behaviour, but such shows of aggression are almost encouraged in some areas of business. Whereas women, typically, cry. And this is NOT acceptable in the world of work. All your credibility is gone. We all know the feeling - you're having a heated discussion, from nowhere you can feel the tears coming, and ...you know you've lost the argument.

To double the unfairness, if a man cries, they get applauded. Politicians show this most clearly - the author cited both Clinton and Bush (and I've seen Blair do it too) as masters of the well-timed well-up.

To quote: The woman who cries is pitied for being weak, the man who loses his temper is often admired for making those around him seem weak, and himself the more passionate and committed to his job. Yet if crying is seen as silly and childish, isn’t a temper tantrum, if anything, more so?

Hee! I like that. Mind you, I throw temper tantrums and crying fits pretty regularly, so clearly I am a horrific male-female hybrid. combining the least acceptable traits of both sexes.

I was a public crier - nay, renowned cry-baby - for years. At primary school, I would burst into tears over EVERYTHING - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy: something bad would happen, I knew everyone would expect me to cry, and that would frustrate me so much I'd start crying. I hated it - it was so humiliating. So when I went to secondary school I determined I would NEVER cry there. And I didn't (well, only once, when someone told me they'd heard my dad was gay. Which - what a stupid thing to cry about), for the whole seven years. That's one of the first things I can ever remember putting my mind to, and achieving. Hmm, might be the last too, come to think of it.

However, I continued, and continue, to cry a lot - just not in front of lots of people. During my teen years, my parents got the brunt of it (my Dad and I can go both from 0-60 in seconds flat - from mild irritation to screaming insanity in the blink of an eye. My father is the only grown man I've seen actually jump up and down in rage), now it's my boyfriend. These tears are always hot and painful - because they nearly always come out of angry frustration. That's to say they're the rainstorm that follows the thunder and lightening of a mega-strop (English word for a temper tantrum. See also: wobbly). Sometimes, they are heartbroken (read: melodramatic) sobs of distress (read: neurosis) when I feel my boyfriend is being impossible. However, on reflection, these are nearly always occasions on which I have worked myself up into such a frenzy that there is no way down than to blub for ten minutes.

I do not enjoy these tears, although I daresay they are therapeutic.However, they are very different from my OTHER tears. At a certain time each month, I am almost constantly lachrymose. EVERYTHING makes me cry. An old man walking slowly down the street? Perhaps he's a war veteran, now widowed, who children are too busy to visit, but he still puts a shirt and tie before he shuffles out to the shops, and dusts the picture frame holding his wedding photo....waaah! See an ad for pet insurance? Oh, look at the dog's big sad eyes, and oh! look how sad his owner is, and oh! the doggie's leg is in a cast, and ah! the cast is off and the dog is racing through the fields again...waaah!* Needless, to say, adoption and infertility blogs, can spell almost total devastation on a regular basis.

So, well, I've lost my point a bit here. My original premises that (a) I thought it was a good article, and (b) I cry quite a lot aren't leading to an interesting conclusion, or indeed any conclusion...so I will ask you a question: would you consider yourself a 'crier'? How often do you well-up? Have you ever cried at work?

* I do not even like dogs.

Comments

[Sarah]

I am most definitely a crier. For me it started at puberty, and has never quit. I like to say that I have a high water table. I'll often warn new acquaintances that I cry very easily, and they shouldn't be alarmed by that. Music (of many genres) makes me cry on a regular basis. Talking about God or Jesus for any length of time will often do it. And yes, I have cried at work, although almost never as a result of a work-related conflict. I rarely run into conflict at work, thank heavens.