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Okay, so you weren't specifically asking for advice, but I'm going to give it anyway, because I am supremely irritated by your boyfriend's behaviour, and I don't even know him! I'm assuming that he does the washing up after you cook? If he doesn't even do that, I am definitely going to have to cross the Atlantic and kick his butt.

I think it's totally unacceptable for him not to thank you every time you cook. I know he was taught badly by his mother, but now that he knows you like to be thanked, he should do it! He's taking you for granted. Maybe you should start olives/capers/anchovies/eggs-you-can -see in everything. Or just stop cooking all together. Make him realize how good he has it. (Which is very good - I have possibly the best husband in the world, very deserving of having dinner cooked for him nightly, and yet I don't even cook every night. But you can bet that when I do, he's grateful. And he washes the dishes.)

Sorry to be so heated, I am just VERY annoyed by IB. I hope you don't get mad at me, because obviously you love him and he has many redeeming qualities. :) But he should thank you for cooking! It's only just!


Sorry, that's supposed to say "putting" before olives/capers/etc.


Exactly! It's funny how girls just *get* why this is so annoying. Well, actually, any well-brought up boy would too of course.

He *does* do the washing up nearly every night which I really appreciate (and- ha! - thank him for). And he's so lovely in every other area that it makes me even more sure that he now doesn't thank me on principle. Which - arrgh! HOW annoying is that!?

I suppose we're working on it! I do find it baffling though, because he just doesn't seem to get it. It's like a different person takes him over at meal times!


Technically my husband doesn't thank me after every meal, but he's quick to tell me when he likes the food I've cooked, and he says so with such appreciation that I feel quite adequately thanked. And many times, regardless of what I've cooked, he'll lean back in his chair with a beatific smile, pat his stomach and announce "Good food!" to the world at large. He does not generally do the dishes (we agreed early on that all kitchen matters would be my department), but he does his share of the household work in other areas. And if he wants me to make him something he remembers from childhood, or if he wants to suggest a change to how I've prepared a dish, he does so with great care not to hurt my feelings or belittle my cooking talent, which I appreciate.

You may be right to think that he's now not thanking you on principle. My husband has a few areas like that, where he'll take some (largely petty) stance for no reason other than he feels that as a Proper Man he must work to maintain my respect for his authority of Man of the House. For instance: although I have given him no particular reason to think that I will do this, he continues to fear that I will turn into a whiny, possessive wife who demands to be called at every available time while he's away on work business. In truth, I like it when he calls me "from the road", but I wouldn't demand it. As he left for his most recent work trip, he announced to me that he would NOT be calling me, since he was only going to be gone for one night, and he didn't want to encourage in me the bad habit of expecting him to call every night. I raised an eyebrow at him and said "OK honey". I'm mystified as to why this is even an issue for him, but since I don't really care, he can posture all he likes on this subject!

However, I do think that your boyfriend has chosen a particularly poor place to make a stand, because it is rude to not regularly show appreciation for the work you do to make his life better.


My husband used to be like that; he's gotten better since after a few ... actually, I can't remember how it happened. I think I just mentioned it a few times and he got with the program. Now if only I could make him figure out a way to eat vegetables which aren't ground up and disguised to within an inch of their lives...sigh...


Oh god - from your comments, I am starting to worry that he is totally hopeless.

I am making something he hasn't had before tonight, which I think is delicious, so I am going to note his reaction carefully - he will get bonus points for 'mmm mmm!' appreciative noises...

Sarah - that's so funny! Where do they get these bizarre ideas?

J's Girlfriend

Your boyfriend is clearly a spoilt brat! This is something one can live with, but it is important that he at least realises it.

Other than that, great post! I've 'rolled you.

2nd especially no.4. What's with women, I don't know. Oddly, my boyfriend is the same.

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