Things That Irritate Me, And About Which I Will Whine. And Yes, Some ARE Entirely Justified.

1) My boyfriend is not sufficiently thankful for the food I cook for him. Every night, I get home and make us a delicious - or certainly edible - dinner from scratch. I shop for fresh, seasonal, vegetables daily, and we eat a range of fish, meat, and vegetarian dishes. I cook around his nut allergy, and take into account his dislike of olives, capers, and anchovies (naturally, three of my favourote ingredients), and 'eggs you can see'. Oh, I am exhaustingly perfect. I don't even moan about it, because, vomitously, I believe cooking for someone is an act of love. And I love him.

But does an act of love deserve no thanks? (I know it doesn't require it...).. He has NEVER once said 'thank you' for any meal without prompting. That's rude...isn't it? It's surely only polite to thank someone who gives you your supper? Doesn't everyone? Not him! And it seems now to be a point of principle not to express some gratitude. Because otherwise, surely he'd just save himself the hassle of scenes like this:

Irritating Boyfriend: *gobble gobble*

Me: Do you like it?

IB: Yes, very nice.

Me: Well then...

IB: What?

Me: 'Thank you'?

IB: (in irritated manner) Yes, yes, thank you, thank you.

Me: Why don't you just say thank you? I cooked it for you. It's weird not to just thank someone who gives you a plate of food. It's weird not to say it's nice if you think it is. I'm not holding you hostage, and feeding you only to keep you alive. I'm not your mum! It's not my job to feed you.

IB: Why does it matter?

Me: It hurts my feelings! You're so ungrateful!

IB: You're mental

Me: You're a rude freak.

Much later...

Me:....Cooking is an act of love! You take me for granted! You're an immature twat who's never had to take care of himself...*sob sob*

Sigh. Of course, this is the boy who, before we lived together, asked me after the third meal I ever cooked him (just a bog-standard weekday meal by the way) said 'Isn't there any pudding?'. When I, slightly shocked by THE RUDENESS, said no, he replied 'My Mum always makes me pudding.' Nggggggggggggg! And, of course, this is the Mum who, after he thanked her for a lunch she'd made (see, he can do it), while we were visiting, said 'Don't you dare thank me!You're not a guest!' and almost started crying. So, it's not like I don't know where he gets it from. But, my god, it winds me up.

2) The fact that some part of my body is always hurting. For years it has been my feet. Recently, they've been joined in the attention-demanding stakes by my left hip, which starts to ache after a strenuous walk of, oooh, five minutes. This is an exciting new development which may or may not be the first sign of a rapid decline in old age, osteoporosis, plastic joint replacements, and senility.

3) When I see a cute baby (OK, the work 'cute' is redundant here) or toddler and coo, my boyfriend or friends will be all like 'Step away from the baby, Jenny. Repeat. Step away from the baby' because, obviously, I am a baby crazed LOON and will attempt to steal it. High-larious!

4) Girls (well, people, actually, I mean it's usually girls who do this but I do have a male friend who does this so let's not be sexist here) who claim to want advice about a problem, but then just restate the issue 3000 times, with absolutely no interest in my advice AT ALL. This drives me mad! I am, apparently, a total boy, in that I hear a problem ('he never calls and he cheated on me and he stays up to til 4 every night smoking dope') and want to find a solution ('Dump him. Well, dump him, and leave a bag of prawns behind his radiator'). This isn't to say that I won't listen to you explain why your boyfriend is a wanker, or how your job is so booo-ring for hours on end. I'm your friend, and there'll probably be wine involved, and I trust you'll at leat try to make it funny. But ladies! Seriously! You know what to do. I've told you what to do. So do it. And then can we talk about something else, pleeease!

5) Men who wolf-whistle, or shout, at women in the street (usually from the safety of their stupid white vans). Hardly an original complaint, I know, but seriously? Shut up, dickeads. The newest way to intimidate and irritate women on the streets of London, it seems, is to hiss at them (my first thought is always 'leaky gas pipe! Run!').

I particularly hate this - it doesn't even do us the courtesy of talking to us - it's almost what you'd do to get a dog's attention. Also, what's the point? Do they expect that I will turn around and say 'My goodness! Are you hissing in a sinister way at me? *blush* Here, take my number! I'm free every night to have sex with you'. No, of course he doesn't. He just, for some unfathomable, misogynistic reason, needs to make me feel uncomfortable. At times like those I (gun control-lovin' me) just wish I had a weapon. I would love to turn around and snarl 'say (hiss?) that again?'. Of course, I'd look pretty pathetic, saying it to the back of a white van that was speeding off down the road, but its still a nice idea.

6) People - my age! - who walk into a Starbucks or similar and say 'a cappuccino please'. And then the server has to say ' Which size?' and they say 'um...normal, and then the server has to work out what that means and then say 'Here or to go?' and then they say '..I think I'll have it here actually'. Meanwhile, I'm behind them tapping my foor and counting down the minuts until my train leaves. I mean, people, come on! They've been serving 'exotic' coffee in this country for over 50 years, and, the last time I checked, there's been a Starbucks or similar in every high street. The fact the coffee comes in all sizes and varieties should no longer befuddle you. Even the worst stand-up comedians no longer do a 'what's with the venti triple skinny dry latte with soya and a twist?!?"' thing. Times have moved on. And you must too.

Ok. I feel better. But that's only six! I promised you ten moany-baby items. I will keep thinking. There is a world of irritation out there - I just know it!

(AKA Part 4 of 100 things about me)

Comments

[Arwen]

Okay, so you weren't specifically asking for advice, but I'm going to give it anyway, because I am supremely irritated by your boyfriend's behaviour, and I don't even know him! I'm assuming that he does the washing up after you cook? If he doesn't even do that, I am definitely going to have to cross the Atlantic and kick his butt.

I think it's totally unacceptable for him not to thank you every time you cook. I know he was taught badly by his mother, but now that he knows you like to be thanked, he should do it! He's taking you for granted. Maybe you should start olives/capers/anchovies/eggs-you-can -see in everything. Or just stop cooking all together. Make him realize how good he has it. (Which is very good - I have possibly the best husband in the world, very deserving of having dinner cooked for him nightly, and yet I don't even cook every night. But you can bet that when I do, he's grateful. And he washes the dishes.)

Sorry to be so heated, I am just VERY annoyed by IB. I hope you don't get mad at me, because obviously you love him and he has many redeeming qualities. :) But he should thank you for cooking! It's only just!

[Arwen]

Sorry, that's supposed to say "putting" before olives/capers/etc.

[Jenny]

Exactly! It's funny how girls just *get* why this is so annoying. Well, actually, any well-brought up boy would too of course.

He *does* do the washing up nearly every night which I really appreciate (and- ha! - thank him for). And he's so lovely in every other area that it makes me even more sure that he now doesn't thank me on principle. Which - arrgh! HOW annoying is that!?

I suppose we're working on it! I do find it baffling though, because he just doesn't seem to get it. It's like a different person takes him over at meal times!

[Sarah]

Technically my husband doesn't thank me after every meal, but he's quick to tell me when he likes the food I've cooked, and he says so with such appreciation that I feel quite adequately thanked. And many times, regardless of what I've cooked, he'll lean back in his chair with a beatific smile, pat his stomach and announce "Good food!" to the world at large. He does not generally do the dishes (we agreed early on that all kitchen matters would be my department), but he does his share of the household work in other areas. And if he wants me to make him something he remembers from childhood, or if he wants to suggest a change to how I've prepared a dish, he does so with great care not to hurt my feelings or belittle my cooking talent, which I appreciate.

You may be right to think that he's now not thanking you on principle. My husband has a few areas like that, where he'll take some (largely petty) stance for no reason other than he feels that as a Proper Man he must work to maintain my respect for his authority of Man of the House. For instance: although I have given him no particular reason to think that I will do this, he continues to fear that I will turn into a whiny, possessive wife who demands to be called at every available time while he's away on work business. In truth, I like it when he calls me "from the road", but I wouldn't demand it. As he left for his most recent work trip, he announced to me that he would NOT be calling me, since he was only going to be gone for one night, and he didn't want to encourage in me the bad habit of expecting him to call every night. I raised an eyebrow at him and said "OK honey". I'm mystified as to why this is even an issue for him, but since I don't really care, he can posture all he likes on this subject!

However, I do think that your boyfriend has chosen a particularly poor place to make a stand, because it is rude to not regularly show appreciation for the work you do to make his life better.

[Sonetka]

My husband used to be like that; he's gotten better since after a few ... actually, I can't remember how it happened. I think I just mentioned it a few times and he got with the program. Now if only I could make him figure out a way to eat vegetables which aren't ground up and disguised to within an inch of their lives...sigh...

[Jenny]

Oh god - from your comments, I am starting to worry that he is totally hopeless.

I am making something he hasn't had before tonight, which I think is delicious, so I am going to note his reaction carefully - he will get bonus points for 'mmm mmm!' appreciative noises...

Sarah - that's so funny! Where do they get these bizarre ideas?

[J's Girlfriend]

Your boyfriend is clearly a spoilt brat! This is something one can live with, but it is important that he at least realises it.

Other than that, great post! I've 'rolled you.

2nd especially no.4. What's with women, I don't know. Oddly, my boyfriend is the same.